She Comes A Lot, Anal Sex & More

she comes a lot Hi Dr. Chaves,
I’m dating a girl who has a lot of orgasms when we have sex. I mean, she’s moaning and squirming every time I touch her. I know I’m good at what I do, but I keep hearing other guys talk about not being able to get their girls off. What’s up with that? It’s so easy to give orgasms.

Derek, G., Madison, Wi
With sex, sometimes we stroke other things besides our penis; in this case, our ego. Although I’m sure you’re a great lover, this might be more about her sexual functioning and less about your skills. It’s likely she is extra sensitive, gets aroused quickly and has high orgasm potential.

Every woman is different and each has a unique orgasmic ability. There are women who can orgasm from having their hair combed, their eyebrows stroked, their necks kissed, and through squeezing their thighs together. There are also woman who have psychological or physiological reasons that block their ability to climax.

Just like it can make us feel bad if our partner doesn’t orgasm, it makes us feel great when they do. I’d say never get too high or too low with sex and self-judgment with performance. Enjoy and appreciate her sensitivity and sexual responsiveness, but don’t let it go to your head. Women love confidence, but cockiness isn’t very high on the list.

shooting blanks Hi Doctor,
Recently, when I’ve had an orgasm, nothing is coming out. I use to shoot big loads, but now little or nothing is coming out. Nothing hurts and I still get hard-ons, but it’s making me worried that this is still going on after a few weeks. Is this about my diet? What is it?

Paul D., Carson City, NV
I don’t know of any diets that make come disappear. Who would ever do that diet anyways? This sounds a lot like a medical issue called retrograde ejaculation, where your ejaculate is going into your bladder instead of out your urethral opening. You’re going to need a penis check by a doctor. I’ve seen more and more of this with people using antidepressants, psychotropics and other medications. Did you recently start new meds?

Regardless, get your butt to a doctor because this could affect fertility, could be a sign of diabetes, or a sign of testicular or prostate trouble. At least you’re saving money on tissues and cleaning sticky socks.

rear-ended Hello Dr. Chaves,
My girlfriend and I just started having anal sex. We did it the first time really drunk and I loved how tight it felt. I’m not saying she’s loose or anything, but it felt really snug in there. But ever since our first time, we haven’t been able to redo that great experience again. She says it’s really painful and stings inside her now, where as the first time she said it felt great. Do you have any suggestions? I want to do it more with her but don’t want to hurt her either.

EM., San Antonio, TX
Ah, another one falls under the spell of booty sex. Did you know that almost 40% of couples are trying anal sex these days? It’s almost the majority. You’re question gave some important information to me.

First, don’t try new sex behaviors when you’re drunk. I know we’re more daring and adventurous, but our senses are dulled, we’re less in control and our pain threshold changes. My guess is your drunken girlfriend couldn’t feel if anal was hurting or not.

I’m going to assume you’re using a lot of lube, right? With her feeling some stinging and pain now, it sounds like there might be some rectal issues, like tears or inflammation. Those things can happen with anal sex and going number two. I also wonder if she’s had any rectum issues in the past, like hemorrhoids.

Get the “end” of this answer and figure out if transsexual turn-ons are weird…
You have a few options. You can stay away from her butt, give her time to heal, and try anal sex again and/or she can see a doctor to get a more thorough exam. Either way, remember that  anal sex should be pleasurable, never painful -- unless it’s that good kind of pain, like a good spanking or pull of the hair.

catching HIV Hi Doc,
Quick question, how easy or hard is it to catch HIV?

Larry, New York, NY
That’s an easy and hard answer. It depends on a number of factors including how many sex partners you’ve had, what risky behaviors you engage in and if you’re using condoms. One research study estimated that men have a 1/500 chance and women have a 1/250 chance of contracting HIV. Of course, those numbers change depending on the behavior (oral, vaginal, anal), if you have an STI already (increases the chance of HIV transmission), what type of exposure to bodily fluids, previous vaginal/anal tearing, your immune health, the infected partners viral load, etc.

What if you use a condom? It’s estimated the chances of contracting HIV is 1/500,000,000 if you use the rubber correctly. I’m no math whiz, but I love those zeros! I know people who have contracted HIV after losing their virginity to their first sex partner and HIV-negative escorts who’ve had hundreds of sex partners. Condoms work, people.

transfixed by trannies Hello,
I was surfing the information superhighway and streaming some porn clips and I saw my first shemale porno. I have to say, it was kind of cool, but I felt weird at the same time. I felt a little gay while watching it. I know I’m not gay, but it didn’t feel right. But I was really turned on. I’m confused. I guess I don’t really have a question, more so wanted to ask your opinion about this.

Anonymous
Sometimes, when we discover a turn-on that isn’t on mainstream culture’s list of acceptable sexual expression, it can feel different, even shameful. I can read the confusion in your words. Why do we feel the need to suppress our desires, our attractions, just to fit in or please the people around us? Shemale porn, or transsexual erotica, is a perfect example of this.

You’re not weird; you’re lucky because you found something that turns you on. The majority of people die without ever discovering certain turn-ons because they spend their lifetimes fighting or suppressing them. As for the gay reference, I never understood that one. I’ve seen trans porn plenty of times. I think a male-to-female transsexual (MTF) and a female having sex is cool to check out.

A friend once said that was really gay. My answer: A person watches heterosexual porn with a guy and girl. One person is feminine and the other is masculine. The guy usually has muscles and looks pretty manly, like a dude. But when a person watches an MTF transsexual and a girl having sex, it’s two people with mostly feminine bodies. Both examples have a penis involved, but in MTF-female porn there are four female breasts, only two in heterosexual porn. There are also two female hourglass figures and four female-looking butt cheeks. It’s like two females using a strap on. Well, except the strap on dildo is real in this case. If you really dissect it, there can be more on-camera masculinity in heterosexual male-female porn than in MTF-female porn.

Not a perfect argument, but the friend changed his mind and said it wasn’t gay, but it’s still weird to him. Hey, it’s progress! (I hate the term “weird.” I much prefer different or unique.) It’s not easy embracing your turn-ons that society doesn’t agree with, but it can be empowering and sexually satisfying. Good luck!